Sitting here knackered with my two sick kids and my double chin, I’ve been getting that awful deflated feeling of judgement for airing our lives to the world. I get it often. I’ve noticed that the only reason I get it, is the constant fear of the backlash I may receive off a knobhead. You know, for slipping up and not fitting their standards. Usually, nearly always I’m able rationalise these emotions and remind myself how much good I’m doing in the world. How much love and support I’m spreading. Just being us, simply us. Then I keep doing my thing. I stop questioning why or how I do things on here. I just remind myself it’s good. It’s helping. It’s helping me and it’s helping others. That’s enough. I’m overwhelmed with support every single day but some people aren’t so lucky. Some people get hit on the daily.
Are you one of them? In the dark side of the world reaching out only to say “No?”
The type of person who’s become accustomed to simply highlighting a persons faults instead of praising all of their positives?
Do you look at a persons Instagram feed, blog or social media page, full of images showcasing them growing a beautiful life and feel jealousy, bitterness or possibly anger?
Do you convince yourself it’s just a lot of sh*t? On the outside you say you’re embarrassed FOR them or just trying to help but really, you’re trying to stop that progress?
Do you see a person trying tirelessly to better themselves, to find a career in social media or simply to share their passion of self-love, stories of recovery, a journey with their goals to inspire others and the first feelings you have are to bash them. Publicly or privately?
Do you tell yourself it’s just you being honest, real or simply speaking the truth?
Did you know how much pain you cause, being that kind of ‘honest’?
Did you know, being ‘real’ doesn’t involve abusing others?
Could it possibly be that speaking your truth is simply shouting out your own faults?
This is a gift for you.
Since Instagram polls became a thing it’s had me thinking a lot about the personalities, the odd few that no matter what it is, what you say or what you do. They vote the negative. Even when they have no real knowledge of the subject matter, they’ll opt for the negative response anyway. I’ve watched the patterns. I’ve watched the people. I’ve visited their pages. Pages that have nothing to give to others. The takers. I’ve noticed not only that but they never ‘like’ or communicate through my posts. They never love a picture or enjoy all the good I have to share with the world. They don’t want to be my friend. They follow me simply to hurt me but really, it’s just hurting themselves. They dont like my big ambitions, they say I should stay humble, when really that shows they don’t truly know the meaning of the word. They tell themselves it’s because they’re embarrassed for me, embarrassed I’m trying.
This part is important. Their negativity doesn’t hurt me, I’m not fearful of trying, nor am I embarrassed of my continuous efforts to grow and I’m about to share why.
Firstly, there is a huge difference between describing yourself as an honest person and to put it quite frankly, just being a knobhead. Honesty doesn’t excuse you or allow you to share your opinion or should I say throw an opinion onto the back of somebody’s insecurities and say that’s ‘honesty.’ Truly, I see it’s simply their own insecurities, I see it’s their own faults and own frustrations that they simply can’t carry anymore. Instead of taking the healthy road to recovery, they pick the easier option. To focus on loading that negative energy they carry every single day onto someone else. So I guess people like me are their hypothetical donkey. The thing is, they don’t need to lay that that sh*t on us – the folk just wanting to grow, to inspire, to spread love. They can change, they can help themselves in a far healthier way. In a way that doesn’t involve bringing others down.
It’s a natural response for many to seek the positive energy from others by negatively darkening another’s light. For a short time it works for them, it’s like a legal high. Sadly, it comes second nature. It’s a pattern. In my past I’ve been in close proximity to the ‘energy suckers.’ I tried to fix them, I tried to understand them and allowed them to stay in my life because I felt so strongly that I wanted to help.
Looking back as an adult, as what I consider a very successful and happy one. I see that this has had absolutely no benefit to me or them. It hindered me and it theoretically put a brick wall up right over my dreams and aspirations. I invested so much of my life trying to help change people that didn’t want to change.
Then I stopped. Then my life changed.
I became happier, I became successful, I became loved and respected. All because I didn’t allow that type of person to limit my life, limit my worth and my goals. I probably even helped some of them without even being aware because disallowing somebody to feed off your energy will have them having to reevaluate how they obtain happiness. True happiness.
It’s abuse. Mental abuse at it’s finest and for so many it’s a natural every day thing. It stems from not reaching their own goals, it most probably has been a pattern they’ve adopted from somebody else who’s upset their lives. It’s sad but there’s a satisfaction felt watching another fail because it makes them feel a little better about their own failures. A little more normal. It’s their lack of knowing there’s another way. The thing is, at some point no matter how tough it is – you have to stop allowing your past experiences to hinder your future. You have to stop letting experiences define who you are. You have to stop using your negative experiences as an excuse to treat people unfairly because it’s not an excuse or an answer.
I’m not trying to change the world of knobheads. I’m just trying to give them one of the most valuable gifts they’ll probably ever receive. The knowledge that there’s another way to be happy.
Why not try and compliment the next time you go to share an unwanted opinion on a strangers page?
Compliment yourself. So many of us find this hard but do it anyway. Do it every morning.
I know you’re angry. So let go of it. Tell that heavy, unforgiving emotion to f*ck off instead of hurling those words at a stranger. Let it out, into the air. Into a pillow, an empty room or a punch bag. Find your release that doesn’t involve hurting another human.
Instead of constantly thinking about what you need and what you can get, try seeing where you can help. Try focusing on something you can give.
Practice empathy. Start to teach yourself how to pause in the face of a situation you’d normally scream before thinking. Imagine that persons story, visualise why they might be acting out of turn and forgive them anyway. Forgive them and walk away.
If someone slams the door in your face, open the door for the next person. Don’t hold a grudge, change the pattern. Be the one to bring a smile not a tear.
When you feel the urge to nudge your friend or better half to say something nasty about a person you don’t really know – nudge them to talk about something positive you’ve learned that day instead.
Instead of telling someone you hate them – find the person you love, you like or even a stranger that even made you smile. Focus on them. Love them. Tell them they make you happy and thank them.
When you feel the urge to quietly wish a person to fail, why not try to wish them well? Why not bathe in that happiness with them instead of drowning painfully in a pool of jealousy.
If someone is hurting you, if something is hurting you. Try, try as hard as you can to focus on what’s not. Focus on the good.
Be open to differences. Respectful of someone’s morals and believes. You don’t need to like them. Find acceptance and understanding in the fact that we all differ so greatly. Find who inspires you but don’t bash and ridicule the ones who don’t. The world would be boring if we were all the same.
When you’re given a option to vote yes or no but deep down, you know that person will be hurt if others choose the latter. Choose not to vote at all. Be kind or be silent.
The world has a power way stronger than you might believe. The power to give back what it receives. Trust it. Trust that it will be OK.
Most of all, the best tool I’ve used personally on how not to be a knobhead, is to see a knobhead and ask myself why they might at that present moment be a knobhead. I make a story, I see that they’re sad and it’s sore. The likelihood is, they are hurting. Why would I want to hurt them further in way of retaliation, replicating that anger? The answer is I wouldn’t. I know deep down that neither of us gain from that. More often than not, the switch from being a knobhead to a ‘nice guy’ is simply receiving an act of kindness in a world that they may deem ugly and scary. So, let’s do kindness.
If you can’t do kindness, then please just do f*ck all.
Here’s my hand, walk with me please. Not against me.